From where I am…

It’s autism awareness month. I’m sure you’ve seen the light it up blue requests, the bombardment of awareness ribbons and colorful puzzle pieces, and the horrible contrived “post this to your wall if you care at all about autism, 98% won’t and are essentially the scum of the earth” type posts. I refuse to be […]

Certainty

Last night I woke nearly hourly, at 9 months pregnant (tomorrow is my due date) that is hardly abnormal. I either had to pee or my hip was screaming at me to roll over. At 5:20 I had to turn, I noticed the baby wasn’t moving and thought “Well that should make it easy to […]

Fearful…

Fear paralyses me. I’m introspective because I think a lot.  Thinking a lot means I imagine all the ways I might fail. I’ve failed at maintaining this blog because of it.  Fear.  It occurred to that maybe this blog should have more focus, but what? Then it occurred to me that perhaps it’s getting too focused, on autism in particular.  Then I […]

They Think I’m Beautiful

These are the photos of me I like best.  Blurry photos, or ones that are highly over exposed. They wash out my flaws, or make them invisible with motion blur. I am a harsh critic. It’s why I almost never turn the camera on myself.  It’s why when others take photo’s of me I am […]

Bean Soup

We’ve been sick lately, really sick, all of us. This morning I put a frozen pork roast in the crock pot to make shredded BBQ pork.  There was a time I thought we’d never eat all the pork in our freezer after butchering out two pigs, but sure enough the stash is getting low. Once […]

Killing Them Softly

When I’m telling people that Kate died,  I never say she passed away.  Actually I kind of cringe at that expression, passed away to where, passed what?  I don’t begrudge others from using it to describe the death of their loved ones, people should say what they feel comfortable saying.  For me its a little […]

He Bit My Face: Losing Touch With God

My blog has been neglected.  I had a goal of posting once a week.  Unfortunately my last few starts have been such heavy and controversial topics, I’m intimidated to finish them, begin writing them, and most certainly to publish them.  I’ve got works in progress about timing for sharing pregnancy news featuring baby death, one […]

Always Say Please and Thank You

‘Now get me that Marshmallow!’ Or it could very well be, “What?! I don’t get any broccoli?!” (our kids really like broccoli) Which usually leads to me saying something like. “I won’t get you anything, if you talk to me like that. Please try again politely.” I want my kids to have good manners. The […]

Living A Romance, Not With A Romantic

I am lucky, I really am, I have this amazing husband, but if there’s one thing he’s not, it’s romantic.   Seriously, we don’t celebrate Valentines Day, or our Anniversary in any sentimental way.  We’re too practical. I know a friend who flew to Vancouver secretly, there and back in a day,  so he could present […]